All kinds of old song lines are running through my mind this morning - some of them I think I have the line correct - others, well I'm not so sure.

I do confuse easily at times.

Is there one that goes "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down?" I think so, but I'm a tad foggy on that.

If there is, just change the day there to Sunday and it captures the moment for me today.

I'm watching - sort of - the moving "Pay It Forward" in between writing a snippet here and there. The theory put forth in the movie - do a good deed to three people who, in turn do something to change things for three more and watch it grow forward is an idea that fascinates me. Darned good idea there, I do believe.

Now, where do I begin?

Before I can do something to try to help others, I have to do something for me - just a small thing you see - but I have to try to clean out the clutter in my mind.

I have to first be able to look at myself with honesty and try to move, one foot at a time, to create some much needed changes in my life, in my style, in my thinking -you name it.

Then, maybe - just maybe - I will have the strength inside me, the moral fiber, the intestinal fortitude, to try to do something that perhaps in some small way, might just "pay it forward."

The past two weeks have been very unsettling for me. My beloved aunt is having major problems. I thought I was trying to be helpful but it appears my efforts fell in such a manner that they angered a cousin of mine. Apparently, he thought I had unterior motives pertaining to my concerns for my aunt and as a result, he lambasted me.

Another cousin says no, he is just very stressed out and she's sure he didn't mean the words in the way I interpreted them. Maybe so, but she didn't hear the tone of his voice plus she doesn't deal with the same stupid paranoias that have always plagued me. I'm trying to see things there from her perspective - and calm myself down now and let the chips fall where they may.

My younger daughter knows what happened; my son and older daughter do not and I want it that way. My older daughter would get angry, try to get even, screw things around even worse then than I already have done. I do a good enough job on my own in that department - screwing things up - so I sure don't need her help there! My son would just feel hurt and helpless. And, there's no need to pour more on him there either.

So today, I'm trying to move my act forward - clean things up inside me - and maybe then, I can begin to step out again and try to do just some little thing that might just help another some where along life's way.

Turn a bad day into a good day.