Most of us won’t dare admit that we spent a lot of time talking rather listening. We are all social beings who love to communicate and communication as they say is a two-way street. But if you analyze it carefully, most often than not, it’s just one sided. People tend to let their mouths ran away with them for the reason that is abundantly clear; they want to get noticed. They want to be the hero, the popular one, the center of attention. While some are unaware they’re doing it; owe it to the elements of excitement, fear or surprise.

On the other hand, listening does not entail merely sitting there, your eyes glued to the person talking but... 

1. They say talking in public is an art; well listening is a gift-not many people have the patience and endurance to sit there and listen to other people’s problems and whining not unless he’s a psychiatrist by profession. Paid to listen. However, there are truly gifted people out there who could easily empathize with other persons talking. It’s easy for them to switch to listening mood. Making the person sharing his experiences and feelings more at ease and unthreatened. Some of the good listeners are approachable and amicable thus offer a ready comfort.

2. When you listen-do you hear what the other has to say? Or your silence means your mind is wandering off, perhaps daydreaming of some sexy gal or quite appealing guy with a romantic background. Silence can be disheartening; it could give the idea that you might not be listening. Or you found the conversation quite insipid or boring. Some people think it’s impolite to halt the speaker even before he/she started to speak. When it’s ruder to pretend you’re listening. What if your friend catches you? It would be embarrassing to both of you. 

3. If you hear the words-yes, you do hear the words, sentences and grammatical errors in usage and pronunciations. But the question is; did you manage to catch the your friend’s drift? Have you understood the message he wants to convey? He could be talking in more oblique manner. Since he might be unsure of himself and if you’re not really listening you might have the tendency to misinterpret his meaning. He might be expressing his fear over something and you’ll think that he’s just bluffing. Your friend might be in trouble and fears for his life, family or career. Or its just that his fear is truly unfounded and he’s already into panic and thought it’s for real. 

4. They say the best way to listen is with your heart-it’s not just trying to decode the cryptic message but to feel compassionate and communicating with the other person. You can commiserate but you don’t have to cry with him though. Listen and focus closely to the tone of his voice. He might just want to talk and nothing more. Sometimes it is better to listen than talk back. He may not be expecting an answer. Oddly enough, to some people, silence is quite reassuring. They’re not really bent on discussing anything. They just want to be heard. 

5. You don’t have to be carried away-don’t let yourself get in sync with his crying mode as well. But remain firm and logical. One of you has to remain sane. Or to put some sense of balance in the situation. When you listen, remain unbiased. If you give an unsolicited advice, it could sway him to do more damage than good. Instead, let him spill it all out, then reason out and see what truly matters to him on his own. But if you notice he’s wandering, you have to remind him to go back where he started his story, be it out of excitement or annoyance. Don’t take it also as an advantage to “add more fuel to the fire”, especially if you happened to be annoyed at the same person. Separate your concern with his. 

6. Refrain from butting-in-some people have this rude habit of interrupting somebody talking. Could it be a force of habit or getting bored and wants to get right to the end of story? There are some listeners who are more excited to get at the bottom of the story than the one delivering it. In the process, you miss the details, probably the important one that in the first place, brought-on the conversation. It is also rude and insulting to keep cutting-in when one is speaking. The one conveying the story would suddenly lose the desire to finish it.

7. Careful with your facial expression-it might discourage your friend or acquaintance to open-up if you clearly show your disinterest in the proceedings. It could be the speaker would stop mid-way and just decide to clam-up, even before you say stop. What if guilt feelings decided to assail you? You could not possibly convince your friend that you’ll be listening when your behavior says otherwise. Remember, “action speaks louder than words.” 

8. As they say, communication is a two-way street- don’t just sit there. Motionless, just nodding else you might doze off. But give reassuring words. It doesn’t have to be flattery to boost a deflated ego. You just have to be yourself and be sincere. There are some people especially the depressed ones have sharper instinct. They are more attuned to their emotions. Even though they might be sensitive at the moment, strangely they could also sense if the person they’re talking to, do care or ready to bolt anytime. 

Oftentimes we rather want to be heard than listen. We like to impose our beliefs and expect people to follow them without respect to their own views.
 
Sometimes, a person deliberately seeks those who could sympathize with them without readily passing judgment. If you’ll recall any of your past conversations and compare it with your friends and family members, you’ll notice that you’re able to express yourself unrestrained and better to strangers. The reason? No pressures, no expectations, and no secrets to worry about.
 
If you’re comfortable with the person you’re talking with, it’s easier to unburden yourself. You don’t have to worry that you’ll be criticized, disdained, rejected or laugh at. You’ll get full attention, focus, no blinking eyes or fidgeting to distract you. Or make you feel shame by being dismissed thinking that you’re shallow and that you’re just wasting their time.

When you listen, do you hear the words? Do you get the message? Do you pay attention or too busy butting-in? Do you care? Considerate and sincere enough or just playing lip service? Whatever your intentions maybe, remember that it could tip the emotional balance of that person. It could push him over the edge or lift his spirits. *****