It is inevitable to see and stand around these confusing thoughts that stopped me from living this life I’m supposed to live. Flipping through the pages of my dictionary trying to find out what the heck I am typing. Whew, another day is over, yes I survived it, after trying to solve every accounting problem there is for more than an hour in the library I made my way home safe and sound. Then again it struck me! If only I can very much live the life that I wanted then I would be very happy. They say that “fate does not come into us from the outside, but emerges from us. It is only because so many people have not absorbed and transformed their fates while they were living in them that they have not realized what was emerging from them.” What on earth is fate? What was emerging from me? Questions so hard to answer, so hard to muster, I just find it so hard to live with it. And then another thing comes. Seeing through the eyes of a dreamer, I still try to fight for what I believe in. I read it again, “don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you will not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now.” so what else can I do but to live with it, hoping to see the answers sooner to be able to move on without any doubts in me.  “perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within you the possibility of creating and forming, as an especially blessed and pure way of living; but take whatever comes, with great trust, and as long as it comes out of your will, out of some need of your innermost self.” I wish I can live up with this perspective, the wondering roads really does mess up my ways and emotions. This twist of fate may have a real purpose but it simply just hung me up for a moment. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to last, I hope I will. “the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside. The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes out fate; and later on, when it happens (that is step forth out of us to other people), we will feel related and close to our innermost being!”  Hopefully I can own my own fate, for once I will, and then maybe I will learn more in living life.

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