Once there was a boy called jack
Whose pile of money was very flat?

His Momma said we’ve got no dosh,
So how on earth are we gonna get our nosh?

‘Let’s sell the cow!’ His mother cried
‘Down the market at half past 5!’

But on his way he spied a man,
Carrying magic beans in a can,

‘What’s that?’ Jack cried ‘in your hand?’

‘Tis magic beans’ replied the man,
‘And I will trade you for that lamb’

‘But it’s a cow’ Jack looked shocked
He shrugged his shoulders and took the lot.

When jack got home his mother frowned

‘Magic beans? They don’t go with toast,
What I wanted was a nice warm roast!

She threw the beans out the window
The window?
The window.
Next thing you know there’s a giant beanstalk in the garden.
Really?!? In the garden?
Yes. The garden.
Hang on, aren’t we meant to be rhyming?

Jack woke with a start,
Missed a beat did his heart.

He saw the beanstalk,
Big and tall,

Gave a yelp and began to fall:
His bed was on top you see,

(to be spoken by two people)
“Eek” he said…
Eek?
Yes, eek.
That’s not very… dramatic
Well I couldn’t think of anything on the spot!
Pfft, performers are so temperamental

Well jack grabbed hold of a thorny branch
Making sure it didn’t dance

He pulled himself up tall and proud

Before he knew it he was above the clouds!

He heard a rumble from afar
it sounded like a motor car!

What the chickens?!?
He began to curse

But stopped abruptly
When he heard an outburst!

Eni meni miny mo
I smell a human toe
Be it fresh or be it old,
I’ll eat it warm or even cold!

(to be spoken by two people)
Wait wait wait, that’s not how it goes…
It supposed to be fi fo fi fum!
Tsk its improvisation!
Typical

Jack jumped a mile and gave a yelp,
Ran around, screaming for help!

Over the mountain, the giant came,
He said “well lets play this game!”

The giant chased straight after jack,
Jack tripped over a duck and fell on his back.
The giant roared “I going to eat you!”
And in one big bite jack was goo!