THE PRIVATE LIFE OF WILBERFORCE WINDCHEATER (SYNOPSIS)

Wilberforce Malcolm Windcheater is a baby boom nerd. Mollycoddled by mother, frowned upon by father, and looked upon as an embarrassment by elder sister.
Grace Jemima Windcheater was conceived on VE night, and displays the drama and magnitude of her day of creation throughout her life – leaving behind a trail of broken hearts, empty wallets, imprisonment and death.

The siblings’ war generation parents and are honest, hard working and upstanding people, whose only wish is for their offspring to turn into similarly law abiding and conscientious adults.

Wilberforce’s growing pains are characterised by mildly autistic and compulsive behaviour. Nothing stirs his passions more than measuring the accuracy of Test Card F, salivating over steam train illustrations, and timing the washing machine cycle to validate its metronomic accuracy.

Grace’s growing pains include being unpleasant to all and sundry, and eyeing up dashing and successful men with a view to producing healthy children of high caste genes. Maelstroms of emotional turbulence become a natural by-product of this primary craving.
Head of the household, William Hague Windcheater is a dour and respected bank manager, who worked his way up from office boy as a post war teenager. Diligence and duty are Mr Windcheater’s bywords, although even he wasn’t immune from the male menopause – which manifested itself in visits to a lady of ill repute, and included engaging in games of hoopla played with doughnuts.

Wilberforce’s acne plagued adolescence is comforted somewhat in building a friendship with Tommy Trite, a former riveter who worked alongside the boy’s grandfather in the London dockyards between the wars. Tommy could have been the first Stanley Matthews, but his lofty ambitions to be a top footballer were scuppered by an unfortunate accident outside a pub. Tommy puts his career disappointments behind him as he takes Wilberforce under his wing by sharing his passion for locomotives.

Leonard Loveland and wife Amelia keep the Windcheater’s company next door. Due to Mrs Loveland’s hysterectomy, the couple own brother and sister golden retrievers called Keith and Judith to satiate their parental desires. Mr Loveland is a rogue trader who supplements his official profession with fruitful dealings from his greenhouse harvest, whilst maintaining an open eye for illicit encounters with the opposite sex.

Leading a life of anonymity and drudgery, will Wilberforce aspire to his parents’ aspirations? Will the fiery natured Grace rehabilitate herself before it’s too late? And will either of the siblings produce the next generation to carry on the Windcheater lineage?